At What Age Can a Child Choose Their Custody Arrangement in Minnesota?

At What Age Can a Child Choose Their Custody Arrangement in Minnesota?

The short answer: there is no specific age.  Many people expect that at some point the child can just “decide” to live with one parent or the other. This isn’t true. The practical reality is that when a child of sufficient, maturity, size, and physical and emotional resilience and strength chooses to live with one parent over the other, it becomes almost impossible to change that decision – regardless of the court order. 


Have you tried calling the police? – only to find that 9/10 deputies will say “call your lawyer” and we “aren’t going to force the child.” Every now and then the police officer/deputy will physically assist, and this may or may not be a good thing (i.e. emotional or physical trauma).


So – Is there no really no set age when a child can decide? The answer is more nuanced than many expect and requires understanding Minnesota's specific approach to family law.

Minnesota's Approach to Children's Preferences in Custody Cases



Unlike some states that establish specific age thresholds, Minnesota law does not designate a particular age at which a child can unilaterally choose their custodial parent. Instead, Minnesota courts consider the child's preference as one of several factors within the broader "best interests of the child" standard that guides all custody decisions in the state.


Under Minnesota Statute § 518.17, courts must consider 12 factors when determining custody arrangements, with the child's reasonable preference being explicitly mentioned as factor number 9: "the reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient age to express preference."

How Minnesota Courts Evaluate a Child's Preference

Minnesota judges have significant discretion in determining:


1. Whether a child is of "sufficient age" to express a preference: While 

While there's no statutory age threshold, Minnesota courts typically give more consideration to the preferences of older children (generally teenagers) than younger children. 


Note: I personally give general advice : 14 as a good estimate for a Judge talking to the child, 12/13 only if especially mature, and definitely age 16 – as the child can likely drive. 

2. The weight given to that preference: 

Even when a child is deemed old enough to express a preference, that preference is just one factor among many that the court considers.

3. How to gather the child's input: 

In Minnesota, judges rarely require children to testify in open court about their preferences. Instead, they often employ:

  • Guardian ad litem interviews and reports
  • In-chambers interviews (with or without attorneys present)
  • Custody evaluations by mental health professionals
  • Family court services evaluations


The "Best Interests" Framework in Minnesota

Minnesota's best interests factors (recently updated in 2015) include considerations beyond the child's preference, such as:


  • The child's primary caretaker history
  • The child's relationships with parents, siblings, and other significant people
  • The child's adjustment to home, school, and community
  • Each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent
  • Each parent's physical and mental health
  • Each parent's capacity to provide consistent care, guidance, and education
  • The effect of changes to the child's home, school, and community
  • Each parent's history of domestic abuse or physical, sexual, or emotional abuse


A child's preference is evaluated within this comprehensive framework, meaning even a strongly expressed preference might not prevail if other factors suggest a different arrangement would better serve the child's overall wellbeing.

Modification of Custody in Minnesota


When a child wants to change their primary residence in Minnesota, the legal threshold is significant:



  1. For the first year after a custody determination: Modifications are generally prohibited unless there is evidence of endangerment to the child's physical or emotional health, or interference with court-ordered parenting time.
  2. After the first year: The court requires evidence of:
  3. A substantial change in circumstances for the child or parents
  4. How the modification would serve the child's best interests
  5. How the benefits of the modification outweigh any harm it might cause.
  6. Integration by consent: If a child has been integrated into the non-custodial parent's family with the custodial parent's consent, this may provide grounds for modification.  

A child's preference alone rarely meets these thresholds in Minnesota unless accompanied by other significant factors or circumstances that demonstrate the current arrangement no longer serves their best interests.


Practical Realities for Minnesota Families


Minnesota courts recognize that custody is not simply a legal designation but a living arrangement that affects a child's daily life. Practical considerations include:


Legal vs. Physical Custody in Minnesota


Minnesota distinguishes between:

  • Legal custody: Decision-making authority regarding education, healthcare, and religious upbringing (often joint)
  • Physical custody: Where the child lives and daily care responsibilities

A child's preference might influence physical custody arrangements more than legal custody decisions.


Minnesota's Parenting Time Presumptions


Minnesota law presumes that a child should spend at least 25% of their time with each parent unless there are safety concerns. This creates a foundation for meaningful relationships with both parents regardless of the primary residence.


Alternative Dispute Resolution


Minnesota strongly encourages parents to resolve custody disputes through mediation rather than litigation. This approach often allows for more creative solutions that can incorporate a child's preferences while balancing other important considerations.


Special Considerations for Teens in Minnesota


While no specific age grants decision-making authority, Minnesota courts do tend to give substantial weight to the preferences of teenagers, particularly those 16 and older. This recognizes several practical realities:

  1. Enforcement challenges: Courts recognize the practical difficulties of forcing an older teenager to comply with a custody arrangement they strongly oppose.
  2. Developmental autonomy: Older teens are naturally in a developmental stage of increasing independence and decision-making capacity.
  3. Logistical realities: Teens' school, work, and social commitments often make rigid custody schedules impractical.

However, even with teenagers, Minnesota courts will scrutinize the reasons behind the preference and ensure other best interest factors are carefully considered.


Supporting Children Through Custody Transitions in Minnesota


Minnesota's family court system offers several resources to help families navigate custody transitions:


  • Co-parenting classes: Required in many Minnesota counties for divorcing or separating parents
  • Family court services: Offering evaluation and recommendation services.  (not all counties have these resources, usually smaller counties don’t have this assistance).
  • Social Early Neutral Evaluation (SENE): A voluntary process to help resolve custody disputes early.
  • https://www.mncourts.gov/Help-Topics/ENE-ECM.aspx
  • Check your decree or prior orders if you have a Mediation clause that requires alternative dispute resolution prior to filing a motion in court.
  • Parenting consultants: Court-appointed professionals who help high-conflict parents implement parenting plans
  • These persons can only be appointed by Agreement of the parties, and are akin to a “private judge” who can make real orders and decisions on issues within short timelines. They are expensive but effective.


When a Child Resists Visiting the Other Parent: Tools for Minnesota Parents


It's not uncommon for children to resist transitioning between homes or express reluctance to visit the non-custodial parent. When Minnesota parents face this challenging situation, several approaches and resources can help:


Understanding the Resistance

Before taking action, try to understand the source of your child's resistance:


  • Age-appropriate separation anxiety: Young children may experience normal developmental anxiety when separating from either parent
  • Transition difficulties: Some children struggle with the transitions themselves rather than time with the other parent
  • Schedule disruptions: Resistance might relate to missing activities or social events during parenting time
  • Parental conflict: Children may react to tension between parents or feel caught in loyalty conflicts
  • Legitimate concerns: In some cases, resistance may stem from problematic dynamics in the other household


Professional Resources in Minnesota



Minnesota offers several professional resources for addressing visitation resistance:

  1. Reunification therapy: Minnesota courts may order reunification therapy when relationships between children and parents have deteriorated. Providers specializing in this approach include the Family Renewal Center and Minnesota Reunification Therapy Center.
  2. Parenting coordination: In high-conflict cases, Minnesota courts may appoint parenting coordinators with authority to help resolve disputes about parenting time and transitions.
  3. Child-centered therapeutic services: Programs like Kids In Between (available throughout Minnesota) offer specialized counseling for children experiencing parental separation and divorce.
  4. Family therapy: Minnesota family therapists trained in family systems approaches can help address the complex dynamics that may contribute to visitation resistance.
  5. Supervised visitation centers: When safety or relationship rebuilding is a concern, Minnesota's supervised visitation centers such as Family Wise and Keep Me Safe (CADA) Services provide neutral environments for parenting time.

Legal Options in Minnesota


When other approaches aren't sufficient, legal remedies available in Minnesota include:

  1. Motion for enforcement: Filing a motion asking the court to enforce the existing parenting time order, which might result in make-up parenting time or other remedies.
  2. Modification requests: In cases of persistent issues, either parent can petition the court to modify the parenting plan to better address the child's needs.
  3. Contempt proceedings: As a last resort, a parent can file a motion for contempt if they believe the other parent is willfully interfering with their parenting time.


Practical Strategies for Parents


Minnesota family courts generally favor cooperative approaches before legal interventions. Practical strategies include:

  1. Consistent transitions: Maintain consistent routines around transitions between homes, keeping exchanges brief and positive.
  2. Communication tools: Use co-parenting apps approved by Minnesota courts like Our Family Wizard or AppClose to improve communication and documentation.
  3. Gradual reintroduction: If appropriate and court-approved, consider a gradual reintroduction plan with shorter, positive visits building to the court-ordered schedule.
  4. Parallel parenting approaches: For high-conflict situations, Minnesota family counselors often recommend parallel parenting strategies that minimize direct co-parent interaction.
  5. Validation without alignment: Acknowledge your child's feelings without reinforcing resistance. Minnesota's Family Court Services often guides parents on validating children's emotions while still supporting the other parent relationship.

Conclusion: Minnesota's Child-Centered Approach


Minnesota's approach to custody determinations balances respect for children's developing autonomy with protection of their best interests. While there's no specific age at which a Minnesota child can choose their custodial parent, their voice becomes increasingly important in the process as they mature.

For Minnesota families navigating these waters, consulting with family law attorneys familiar with your specific county's practices and working with family therapists can help create arrangements that respect children's preferences while supporting their overall wellbeing through family transitions.

Remember that in Minnesota, as elsewhere, custody arrangements should ultimately serve the child's developmental needs—not adult conflicts—and should evolve appropriately as children grow and family circumstances change.

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